Yes, YES.
A funny thing happened the second I officially announced my plans for the next 6 months and change…I started inhabiting my body more fully, feeling healthier and more open…
For years, YEARS, I have suffered stomach problems and more. As time has progressed I have developed neck and back issues from sitting at a desk long hours and the lovely TMJ. In short, I feel pretty tense and closed down most of the time. I tend to feel better when away from the city and out from behind a desk.
Hiding my plans from a lot of people for months didn’t help either. I’m so ridiculously honest (a trait I’m proud of, btw) that it was eating me up inside…making me feel like a traitor in some respects.
So, as soon as it was all out in the open, I felt I could breathe again (another one of my “issues” due to tension and stress…and the fact that I really dislike taking large breaths of NYC air).
I’ve had relapse moments during my packing…but nothing too bad.
This past Thursday evening I went to a book launch for a re-release of “Sounds of the Eternal” by John Philip Newell with artwork by Tobi Kahn. As I was walking up 5th Avenue (a bear of a task) I could see the clearing of Central Park in the distance and my whole body yearned towards that space. My heart simply wanted to be free of the buildings…my lungs wanted to take a full breath…and I realized that my up-coming adventure to Iona is that clearing…it’s what my body is aching for.
Once inside the 5th Avenue Presbyterian Church (where the party was) I discovered that there was going to be a little service before the food and book signing…complete with prayer, chanting and excerpts. As I sat and listened with closed eyes, surrounded by the quiet of the chapel, I could feel my body shiver with the energy I keep locked down. Much like when I have a really good Reiki session. The feeling is unmistakable.
Another interesting thing were the dual energies I had going on inside me. You see, I had left the office to pop in to the party in lieu of a lunch break (which I rarely take since I dislike going out into the neighborhood so much) and I could feel the worry and pull of work creeping into the meditations…like, “What if this runs long and I upset the balance” etc. It’s an icky feeling, and probably self-inflicted, but still. It was hard going back onto 5th Avenue after feeling the release of tension (the wine helped). Heading back out with my defenses down usually makes me more skittish…like after a nice quiet vacation.
Three weeks and counting…I can see the clearing ahead…
XO