Time & Energy

Trying to find Simple, so I can be Marvelous...

So officially, as of today, I am half unemployed. The cafe I've been primarily working at since November is closing and I am once again on the job hunt. I had begun dipping my toe in the job application waters but a sense of loyalty mixed with fear and exhaustion really kept me from pursuing it hard core. I started by saying I didn't have time, but in reality, I didn't have the energy...

I decided to come clean about this a little while ago. Deflecting the personal responsibility with the "I don't have the time" excuse. It's a classic, so why not use it!? If I had the time to surf the web and mindlessly scroll through facebook...I had the time for other things. I was merely trying to scrape together some "Do Nothing" moments of rest during those internet visits. I need a little do nothing time in my life...

What I realized is that not having the energy is completely valid and true. My motivation and inspired action crashes into the ground when I am draining my energy through work that is not in line with what I am called to be doing...and I can't figure out what direction I'm being called in if I am overwhelmed with fatigue. And to be honest...I was still worrying about bills because my two part time gigs were not adding up to one full time job. Not much to show for no days off.

Yesterday was my first full day off in about 2 months. I knew, in my heart (and body) that I would not be able to sustain that pace and I also knew that being a line cook at a restaurant is not my thing. So how much time should I invest in doing something I don't fully enjoy or am fully good at? It was draining. I had some really fun and satisfying moments and meant some cool folks but I couldn't keep doing it (I just needed a little push). I spent the day (while it was SNOWING!) updating my resume and filling out applications. Putting myself out there once again, but trying to be very mindful and as selective as possible.

Now, I am trying to find balance once again. I am trying to catch up with the pile of stuff I kept pushing aside in order to nap in the afternoons. I am also trying to find something worthwhile that will use my training/talents and pay my bills! I have faith that the cafe door closed so I can open another but I am a little anxious about my cash flow situation. I am choosing to be grateful for the work because it helped me step into new territory and took care of me in the meantime. I just need to move on.

Bonuses to this enforced stay-cation:

  • I can regroup and catch up with my health coaching immersion course.
  • I can put more energy into my blog and newsletter writing.
  • I can (hopefully) do some health coaching stuff (I have one non-friend signed up for a consultation next week!)
  • I can maybe do some of these elusive classes/workshops I've been talking about inside my head.
  • I can start making some herbal moisturizers etc. for sale on my neglected Etsy shop and beyond (local stores!)
  • I can get full night's sleep!
  • I can get back to doing some yoga since I'll be so well rested!
  • I can clean up and organize my space!
  • I can continue my search for a meaningful job with retreat centers etc.

I think I can, I think I can...


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